SEVEN EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths ', I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
3. One day I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered. 'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive'
Submitted by Dr. Steve Swanson, Corvallis , OR
5. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, 'So how's your breakfast this morning?' 'It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste' the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
6. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY---
7. As a new, young MD doing his residency, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied, 'No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'
Irwin, you crack me up!!!
Joan
"'Sorry, had to mow the lawn." :lau: :lau: :lau:
...JP
Keep them coming Irwin. The serious side of life still needs humor in it.
:-D
Those were pretty good! :devilbanana: :devilbanana:
I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener
lol
Johnny
A co-worker reports a story that he went through. The company was giving medical exams, and an optional part of that was a prostate exam. Well he went ahead and had the prostate exam done.
He got back to work and was telling his coworkers about it, and they asked him why, since he was only in his mid 30's at the time.
He said "Because it was free!" :roll:
It was a few weeks before anybody looked at him normally again.
I was working at a large plant as a sub-contractor and you had to wear resperators in parts of it and a full physical was required for everyone each year. One of the fellas in maintenance was a real jerk and nobody liked him in the least. A pot was taken up and the doctor that gave the physicals was bought off. Well Mr. Jerk went in for the physical and when it came time for the prostrate exam the doc told him to relax and just before the finger he told him "This is from everyone in maintenance" and then the probing began.
He was fit to kill when he came back to work the next day, he finaly quit bout a month later. It was hard not to look at him and just bust out laughing.
G3
Those were wonderful! :-D :-D :-D