SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.
AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID "WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE
BLOWN OFF --STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.
THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR,
AND THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S ASS?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AM... BUT
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO.
THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid.
http://forum.beemaster.com/index.php/topic,20372.0.html (http://forum.beemaster.com/index.php/topic,20372.0.html)
:goodpost: :lau: :lau:
My grandpa used to tell that story except it wasn't a woman... other than that... I keep expecting it to show up in a movie like the one about the bikers and the truck driver which I have seen in several variations. The one my Grandpa used to tell about two bear hunters was done in Jeremiah Johnson with only a slight variation... this would make a good scene in a movie...
Quote from: Michael Bush on September 25, 2014, 08:32:51 PM
My grandpa used to tell that story except it wasn't a woman... other than that... I keep expecting it to show up in a movie like the one about the bikers and the truck driver which I have seen in several variations. The one my Grandpa used to tell about two bear hunters was done in Jeremiah Johnson with only a slight variation... this would make a good scene in a movie...
The whole crowd would be rolling in the isles. :lau: :lau: :lau:
Jim
:lau:
Kind of a philosophical off topic thought here... I've been thinking about all the movies with no real good guy or movies with characters like the Hulk or even Superman and wondering what the appeal is. I've been thinking about movies like the Godfather or a TV series like Sons of Anarchy or the movie Falling Down. I have trouble enjoying them because I don't care about the characters when they are evil (like the Godfather or SOA) or they are so invulnerable that you can't really get very worried about them (like the Hulk or Superman) and yet they have an appeal because people watch them. I finally concluded that the appeal is when the other guys realize they messed with the wrong guy. I suppose we were all picked on as kids and seeing the bully or bad guy realize that they have picked on the wrong person gives us some satisfaction. "You won't like me when I'm angry" and then he turns into the Hulk... This joke has that going for it as well. The young cowboy picked on the wrong person. I love the scene in Tremors where Michael Gross's character empties about ten or more guns into the monster and then finally grabs the double barrel .600 nitro express and puts two huge slugs into it and it finally dies and Gross says "Broke into the wrong goddamn rec room, didn't ya you bastard!" There is some sense of satisfaction when that happens that warms our hearts.
Jerry Clower used to tell a variation on this story. I think it was his uncle Versie Ledbetter who had the shotgun.
I think it was a popular story at least since the 60's...