Things you might learn in the South

[Jerrymac]

A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

People actually grow and eat okra.

Fixinto is one word. It means Im fixing to do that.

There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there is supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.

Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

The word jeet is actually a phrase meaning Did you eat?

You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or its too dark to see.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

No, Jew? is a common response to the question, Did you bring any beer?

You measure distance in minutes.

You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

You know what a DAWG is.

You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.

You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tonys, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports and motor sports, and gossip.

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit a bit warm.

You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.

Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as goin Wal-Martin or off to Wally World.

You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive dag-nabbit.

You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no ones seen before.

If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

Jaw-P? means Did y'all go to the bathroom?

 

[iddee]

>>>a possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road<<<

A round, flat, fuzzy animal that inhabits the middle of the road.

>>>People actually grow and eat okra. <<<

But it's better pickled.

>>>No, Jew? is a common response to the question, Did you bring any beer? <<<

Did'ju brung th beer?

>>>You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.<<<

Ya mean it ain't???

>>>You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather. <<<

And below 40 is hawg killin' weather.

>>>There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South. <<<

And we import the other two. They make great watchdogs. A couple on the front porch keeps the burglars out. ""Most others, too""

[harvey]

Aint sure if I should take offense to these or not?  i'll drink a beer on it and then think some more.   

My daughter was in third grade and I got a call cause the teacher wanted to talk to me about her speech,  Said she had an ipedimant or something like that.  Well I went into the school and sat in one of these little third grade chairs,  Teacher introduced herself and told me she was concerned about Michelle maybe having a speech impedement.   We talked for a few minutes as she was trying to explain to me what an impedement was.  Finally she quit talking for a minute and asked me a few questions, then she said Mister Harvey I must apologize for I think I am waistin your time.  I asked her what she meant and she said "Mr. Harvey,  your daughter talks just like you!'  Wasn't sure what to think of that,  Recon Michelle didn't have no problem no more though and never heard from the teacher again.

[Storm]

Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to go work at McDonald's
Avoidable: What a ranch hand does walking through the cattle pen.
Baloney: Where some hemlines fall.
Bernadette: The act of torching your mortgage papers.
Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
Control: A short, ugly inmate.
Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.
Misty: How golfers create divots.
Paradox: Two doctors.
Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist: A ranch hand.
Polarize: What penguins see with.
Primate: The act of removing your spouse from the spot on the couch in front of the TV.
Relief: What trees do in the spring.
Rubberneck: What you do to convince your wife to turn over the TV remote.
Seamstress: Describes your overweight cousin trying on jeans.
Subdued: The guy at the sandwich shop counter.
Sudafed: The act of bringing litigation against the US Government.

What I've Learned Growing Up:

Age 7: I learned that our dog doesn't want my broccoli either.
Age 9: I learned that when I wave to people driving down the road, they wave back.
Age 15: I learned that city people don't wave back.
Age 22: I learned that life isn't always fair.
Age 26: I learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's greatest pleasures.
Age 33: I learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there.
Age 42: I learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

[beee farmer]

Sail Rabbit
Definition- once a rabbits been runed over enough times n sun dried you can scrape em up n sail them like a frisbe!

young-uns down here gotta have sumptin to play with