Hey Jeff Foxworthy there`s material here

[buzzbeejr]

you might be a redneck if ......
1. you do your family tree and there's not many branches
2. your mom tells you to do your chores and you throw away the paper plates from two weeks ago.
3. when in your truck bed you have acanopy when its actually a can of pee.
______________________________________________________________________
wheres some from his redneck dictoinary

[beemaster]

I always thought it was "My family is sooooo Redneck, our family tree is a telephone pole!" :)

You know your a redneck when that CARD BOARD CENTER looks mighty inviting when the toilet paper runs out!


10 Ways to tell if a Redneck has been working on a Computer



10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Coors can in the cup holder(CD-ROM drive).
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

_______________________-

Question: What do you call the sight of a plumber under the sink with his pants creeping down, exposing his crack?

Answer: Redneck Cleavage.

________________________


Question: How long does it takes a redneck to eat road kill?

Answer: It depends on how heavy the traffic is.


_____________________________

Question: What are the last words of a redneck?

Answer: "Hey y'all check this out!"

_____________________________________

You know you're staying in a redneck motel, when you call up the front desk to say you gotta leak in the sink, and the guy says, "Go ahead."


__________________________________

Hope my family members don't get insulted, but I do have a dead uncle that has a tombstone carved out like an 18 wheeler semi-truck. His wife was driving with him, and she's not dead yet, but the enscryption says, "One fine team". Sorry Aunt Annamae!

___________________________________________


Question: How do you recognize an Aussie Redneck?

Answer: You look up his family tree and most of them are still in it!!

_______________________________________

Question: What do you call a New Zealand Redneck with 6 sheep?

Answer: A pimp.


____________________________________


Question: Why do Aussie Rednecks curl their cowboy hats up at the sides?

Answer: So the can fit 3 abreast in a pickup.

_______________________________


Famous last words of a Redneck: "Hey! I got it!"

Redneck ugly date test: Does your dog hump her leg with his eyes open, or shut?

_________________________________

Question: What does a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common?

Answer: One way or the other someone is losing their trailer!

____________________________________


Question: Why do they throw DOG CRAP on the walls at rednack weddings?

Answer: To keep the flies off the bride!


____________________________________


Question: What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?

Answer: A northern fairy tale begins with, "Once upon a time. . . " A southern fairy tale begins with, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this . . . "

________________________________________


NASCAR:

Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks

__________________________________


Question: What does a West Virginian do when his truck breaks down?

Answer: He builds a house beside it.

__________________________________


What do you call the sweat produced when two rednecks are making out
Relative humidity.


_____________________________

What does a redneck call hitting a deer at 65 mph?

Fast food.

________________________________

Who was the first redneck in the Bible?

Cain because he married his sister.

______________________________


How many rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum?

Two. One to eat, and one to watch out for traffic.

____________________________________


Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"

The driver says, "Bout what?"


How can you tell if a Texas redneck is married?

There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.

___________________________________

What do you call a room full of redneck women?

A full set of teeth!

_________________________________

How can you tell a rich redneck from a poor redneck?

*The rich redneck has two cars up on blocks in the yard.
*Five rednecks drowned in the Ohio river last week. They were trying to dig a basement in the bottom of their houseboat.

[Jerrymac]

We all know the last words of a redneck is, "This is gonna be good."

[TwT]

Bill Engvall always says here's your sign, Jeff Foxworthy say's the redneck stuff...... :-P

[buzzbee]

TWT,
Just say Larrys phrase
Git er done!!

[buzzbeejr]

sorry about that ted ill fix that :lol:

[Jerrymac]

Well you know........ They all look alike

[beemaster]

Two REDNECK Women walk into a building... you think One of them would have seen it - ugh. my bad... I got my blondes and Rednecks confused  :-D

[Jerrymac]

Just imagine......... A blond redneck  :shock:

[Brian D. Bray]

Texas A&M recently did a study and found that over 90% of rednecks were of blonde parentage the remaining 10% was equally split between redheads and pollocks.  I love pollock invention jokes:

Screen doors for submarines, ejection seats for helicopters, 1 M(man) power dump trucks, etc.

[Jerrymac]

I think I've seen a movie where someone (Bond, James Bond???) ejects from a helecopter. The blades detatch and fly outwardly, and then the seat shoots up.

[beemaster]

Many WW2 era airplanes SHOOT their machine guns BETWEEN the spinning propellers - using INTERUPTORS to start and stop the gun action in perfect timing with the blade spinning. This system worked nearly flawless unless damage to the interupter (a small dead spot that worked as a SAFETY to prevent the gun from shooting) at the wrong time was damaged. Who'da thought that one up - wow. If that were invented today, it would be a multimillion dollar add-on and take 12 years to develope at a cost of about a billion dollars - lol.