Ugly Christmas Sweaters

[Michael Bush]

A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.

My girlfriend is always stealing my shirts and sweaters...
But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly "we need to talk"

If you see a habanero on your doorstep, put a sweater on
...it's a little chili outside

If you ever get cold and don't have a sweater, stand in a corner for a few minutes; they're usually about 90 degrees.

What's the difference between a jacket and a sweater?
A jacket is something to wear when you're cold.
A sweater is what you wear when your Mom is cold.

A waitress demanded my sweater tonight after my credit was declined several times
She kept asking for my card again.

I recently started sewing myself a sweater but I didn't have all the proper equipment...
...needle-less to say, I didn't get very far.

What is the difference between a sweater and a jumper?
Sweaters are hoping someone will talk them down from the ledge.

I just bought an Adidas Christmas sweater from Mexico.
Fleece Adidas.

I have a coffee sweater.
I put it on over my tea shirt.

A son is visiting his mother the week after Hanukkah wearing one of the two sweaters she?d given him as a gift for the holiday.
As he walks into her house, instead of saying hello, the mother says, ?What?s wrong? You didn?t like the other sweater I got you??

My friend asked if I knew what kind of sweater he was wearing.
I said I had no idea, he said "Guess."
"Hollister?"
"No. Guess."
"North face?"
"No... Guess"
I sill don't know.

What did the magician say when his girlfriend was taking too long shopping for sweaters?
"Pick a cardigan. ANY CARDIGAN."

did you know it takes 3 sheep to make a wool sweater?
It's amazing. I didn't even know they could knit!

Responses to either getting, wearing or seeing an ugly Christmas sweater:
Fleece Navidad.
Joy to the Wool.
I can?t tell if that ugly sweater is hurting my ears or my eyes.
Believe it or not, we woke up like this.
All I want for Christmas? well, it wasn?t this sweater.
These sweaters look better when we wear them together.
Up to snow good, again.
Sleigh all day and all of the night.
Comfort and joy.
Be jolly by golly.
It might be cold outside but not inside with this sweater on.
Really sleighing it in this ugly Christmas sweater.
It?s sweater weather!
Christmas is Clause for Celebration.
?Tis the season to sleigh.
Dear Santa, define ?good.?
A lost Claus.
I chose this sweater over a fruitcake? go figure.
Some are born with fashion sense, others achieve it.
Time to take an elfie.