A pun is of course also known as a play on words . They most often deal with cliche' , however they can also delve into other areas of languge such as anachronymn. Examples of such will be cheerfully provided upon request . Spoonerisms are where beginning letters or consonant sounds are traded within a phrase or name . Our highly esteemed and much learned colleague "Dane Bramage" is obviously aware of this form of humor .
Lets begin with a pun about a sign . It is a sign on the door of the Orthodontists office . Not just any any orthodontist mind you . This is a self-service orthodontist . Do you know what the sign says ?
BRACE YOURSELF !
---Burl---
Burl, ha, ah, ha, (how do you type out laughing, other than LOL?). Bring on the puns!!!! Have a wonderful and great day, Cindi
Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insominiac ??
He laid awake at night , wondering if there really was a doG .
---Burl---
Hee, hee, ha, ha, ho, ho!!! Have a great and wonderful day, Cindi
Do you know what the mother buffalo told her boy when he left to go to camp ??
"Bye - son . "
---Burl---
now this is just getting out of hand. :shock: just kiddin I realy liked that last one.
Did you hear about the vet that had to prescribe Viagra to the alligator?
It had reptile dysfunction! :-D :-P :-D
:) :) :) Cindi
Did you hear about the family of skunks that went to Church one Sunday morning ??
That's right they sat in their own pew . I know , that was a real stinker , wasn't it ?!
---Burl---
What do you call a hare with a lot of fleas?
Ready?
Bugs Bunny! :-D :-D :-D :-D
JP you are one punny guy ! I almost feel as if I know you . It's like we went to different schools together.
What is a jackrabbit to a coyote ??
FAST FOOD. ---Burl---
Good one Burl. :-D
Seven days without a pun makes one.................weak.
Do you know why oysters and clams can only just think of themselves ??
It's because they're "shellfish" .
---Burl---
Heee, hee, ha, ha, Cindi
:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D shellfish!
Hey JP ! Did you realize that vintage American made motorcycles are mentioned in the Bible ??
That's right , it is written that " the sound of David's Triumph was heard throughout the land . "
---Burl---
:-P :-D :-P :mrgreen:
You guys are hilarious! your cracking me up with some of these posts!
:-D hee, hee, ha, ha, ha. Cindi
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now. :-D :-P :-P :-D
Know how to keep an idiot in suspense?
Tell you later.
Quote from: Jerrymac on November 07, 2007, 06:59:59 AM
Know how to keep an idiot in suspense?
Tell you later.
True story department:
I told that one too my wife years ago, only then it was a pollock instead of an idiot. Her responce--I don't want to wait until tommorrow, I want to know now. I can still shift her mind into neutral by telling her something is like a pollock joke.
Do you know what you call a circle moving through the water?
A swiming hole!
:-D :-D :) :) :), laughing harder!!! Keep these funneeeeeeee words coming on!!! Cindi
Quote from: JP on November 07, 2007, 06:40:04 AM
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
You know. No matter how much you cut off, there is always some left.
What does a person who studies geometry call a dead parrot ??
A " polly-gone " . ---Burl---
:) :) :)Cindi
Hey Cindi , Have you ever bought PIRATE CORN before ??
Do you know how much it costs ??
It's a "buck an ear" . ---Burl---
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese! :-P
Wanna frustrate an idiot?
Put him in a round room and tell him to stand in the corner! :)
So, in today's PC world Pollocks have become idiots? Maybe we should be using the word Politician instead.
What do you call a long thin handled ladle?
A Skinny dipper.
I wasn't being PC instead of Pollock,didn't even cross my mind really,used that word instead of moron.'
However politician is a good description of either word. :)
Down here it was Aggie jokes, not Pollock. Or we picked on Oklahoma.
Know why there is so much wind in West Texas?
Cause Oklahoma sucks.
Quote from: Brian D. Bray on November 08, 2007, 11:35:16 PM
So, in today's PC world Pollocks have become idiots? Maybe we should be using the word Politician instead.
What do you call a long thin handled ladle?
A Skinny dipper.
do you mean Polish as in Polocks? I wonder if any of these idiots knew that some of the greatest mathematicians in the world are Polish?
Okay guys,lets get back to puns and spoonerisms.Lets keep this topic fun!! :)
Burl, You're turn!!
:) :) :)Cindi
Ah yes , pure bliss of being able to express one's silliness . I am feeling a bit spoonerish , anyone else perhaps ?
I went to get my shu flot the other day . The nurse wiped my arm with a sotten cwab and isorubble proping alcohol . Then she stuck me with a hypodeemic nurdle . Man it hurt ! But , I'm beeling much fetter now .
---Burl---
Starkle , starkle little twink . What you are I like to think . I'm not so dumb as some thinkle peep I am . ---Burl---
Quote from: Mklangelo on November 09, 2007, 02:10:43 AM
Quote from: Brian D. Bray on November 08, 2007, 11:35:16 PM
So, in today's PC world Pollocks have become idiots? Maybe we should be using the word Politician instead.
What do you call a long thin handled ladle?
A Skinny dipper.
do you mean Polish as in Polocks? I wonder if any of these idiots knew that some of the greatest mathematicians in the world are Polish?
Have you ever tried using a calculator programed with reverse polish logic? You have to be a true mathematican to under stand how to work it.
The bald man looked wistfully at his comb and said :
" We'll never part ."
---Burl---
we'll have the hags flung out. we'll have the flags hung out.
:) :) :)Cindi
What happened to the little monsters when they ate their vegetables ??
They "grew-some" .
---Burl---
:) :) :)Cindi
What do you call a cow with no legs ?
Ground beef ?
What do you call a cow with two legs shorter on one side ?
Lean beef .
---Burl---
Burl... you really horned in with those. Well I better hoof it while I can. :-P
Ah, ha, ha, :) :) :)Cindi
Hey QA , Usually I do do try to "steer" clear of the cow jokes , But this time I thought I should "milk" it for all its worth. And , that's no "bull' .
---Burl---
Ah, ha, ha, ha, you brought that smile to my face, where on earth do you get all these puns, Burl.....Cindi
Hey Cindi , What makes you think that they came from earth? Heaven only knows , with a spacey guy like me what my next orbit will be.
---Burl---
I'm getting a headache, it's sad what two days off school does to me. I HAD TO THINK ABOUT THEM!!!!!!
Hey Josh ! What's the difference between a school teacher and a train ?
The teacher says " You take that gum out of your mouth ! "
The train says "choo - choo - choo ! "
All gummed up ---Burl--- the bubblehead .
:) :) :) Cindi
:mrgreen:
:-D :roll: where do you come up w/ this stuff, you should write a book.
Did you hear about the baby camel who was born with a flat back ??
Do you know what his parents named him ??
HUMPHREY .
I'd walk a mile for a pun . ---Burl---
:) :) :)Cindi
Hey all , I went to a wedding the other day . That's right , one T.V. antenna got married to another T.V. antenna . And the service was awful !
But the reception was excellent !!
Tune in again next time when we hear Burl say "How come my bunny has rabbit ears , but he can't pick up any stations ? " ---Burl---
I can see a e-book on PUNS and Spoonerisms by burl. :)
lots of good material already hear.
What do you do with old cars?
You turn them into Traffic Jam. Anybody for a PBJ?
:) :) :) C.
Burl that's udderly preposterous. If I were a tree I'ld mapley be laughing with yew!
qa33010. Now that was very ingenious, :) :) :) C.
Hey QA ! I wish you wood knot tell those tree puns . They make me want to pine and balsaam . But , I guess you're branching out some , so maybe I shouldn't bark at you for going against my grain . I feel like such a sap now . Let's just leaf it at that .
---Burl--- the knot head
:) :) :) :roll: C.
Put a piece of beef between two pieces of bread and you have a bull-only sandwich
The artist was great. He could always draw a crowd.
When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.
'We've lost too much to the Indian princess at that card game,' declared Capt. John Smith, 'but don't let poker haunt us.'.
Old upholsterers never die,
they always recover.
What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o- lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi! :-P
Have all you people been eating Laffey-Taffey or something?? :roll:
:-P
Burl started it. :-X
Hey SCADSOBEES , That reminds me of what the grape said when the elephant stepped on him .
Actually , he didn't really say anything at all .
That's right ! All he did was let out a little wine .
I've got a bunch of em' . ---Burl---
Burl, you're somethin' else :) :) :)C
Quote
That's right ! All he did was let out a little wine .
Yeah, I did that too when I was sampling my brew last week. Hard to get out of the carpet.
These postings were so much funnier then after a few glasses....
So much for sour grapes.....
:-P :-D
Speaking of people in an altered state of mind ; that reminds me of a famous quote from the infamous Exxon Valdez accident . You know the big oil spill off the Alaska coast .?
The captain said to the first mate ---
"I said rum and coke on the rocks ! NOT, run the boat on the rocks !!! "
Soberly , your friend ---Burl---
speaking of grapes, did you know
"Sellers of dried grapes are always raisin awareness?"
Since people drown their sorrows in drink shouldn't that be a sour grape instead of an olive in your martini?
Brian , You are so right about that ! I frequently work with children with FETAL ALCOHOL SYNDROME , and I am a coffin maker . I will spare you the sad ,and gorey details of that . Suffice it to say old Burl loses his sense of humor when it comes to the selfish behavior of folks who promote this philosophy that things are better and more enjoyable when they have imbibed in their chosen mind altering substance .. OH , the needless sufferring the innocent would be spared if they would rather prefer laffey-taffy over goofy juice . There is wa-aaay too much preventable pain caused by substance abuse . I started this thread to share some laughs with others who enjoy this form of humor . It has been good . Let's keep it going , please , it is like a healing salve to a very sore spot in my old heart . Thankyou !
Sincerely ---Burl---
QuoteThese postings were so much funnier then after a few glasses.
Shucks, my ear was just sore from the corniness of the puns here :-P I was just ready to stalk off, not sure if I could field any more. :-P
Besides, I don't think my drinking will give my kids FAS :roll: ....(Don't worry, I don't overindulge or abuse it, even if it is made with the best honey on earth... :lol:...) Sorry if my attempts at humor causes pain in your sore spot, I understand :'( ...
:-D
Speaking of which...whenever I get a bad cold, I say I feel like a runaway hearse. I just can't stop coffin'!!
Scadsobees , A misunderstood sense of humor , yes I can sure relate to that . Apology accepted . Friends we are I hope . I was however shocked to hear your corn puns . I had no idea someone could be so silky smooth and yet as rough as a cob at the same time . All in all there was more than a kernal of truth to them . And your coffin puns must have been a grave undertaking for you . Just try not to get in over your head with them .
When we were just little boys my brother and I would often get alphabet soup for lunch . We would take off running with our bowls and spoons in hand, and eat the soup while we tore around the house . Mom would always shout to us ---
"It's only fun till someone loses an "I" !!! Have a souper day !
---Burl---
Hey , This one is for all you purveyors of fine feathered fowl . You know , the KEEPERS of the CLUCKS .
How many doors are there supposed to be on a chicken coop ??
At least one , but no more than two , otherwise ----
It's a sedan .
That vas yust a little yolk , yah .
---Burl--- the featherbrain
that one is way over my head, in other words that was "horrible" :-P :-D :evil:
Quote from: Burl on December 03, 2007, 03:39:44 PM
Hey , This one is for all you purveyors of fine feathered fowl . You know , the KEEPERS of the CLUCKS .
How many doors are there supposed to be on a chicken coop ??
At least one , but no more than two , otherwise ----
It's a sedan .
That vas yust a little yolk , yah .
---Burl--- the featherbrain
What, you've never heard of a 3 door coop?...I mean coupe?
So , if atheletes get atheletes foot what do astronauts get ??
Missle-toe !
Hope that one wasn't "way over your head".
---Burl--- the horrible