Tired of banging my head against the wall.....

lenape13 · November 10, 2009, 03:41:37 PM

While I am only a first-year beekeeper, I have grown tired of banging my head against the wall. My brother-in-law, who has had bees for 20 years agreed to help me when I first started. Since that time, I have learned just how little he actually knows. He tends to just make things up, throwing out little catch-phrases about beekeeping that the average person would know nothing about, me included. But now, after this first year, his game is up and he doesn't like it. Of course, everytime I mention something I learned from this forum, his response is, "Don't believe them, they don't have a clue about....."

After this past weekend's affair, I pretty much told him they're my bees, therefore, my decisions. Of course, that makes life here at home a bit interesting... :roll:

annette · November 10, 2009, 03:42:57 PM

What happened??

Keith13 · November 10, 2009, 03:51:29 PM

one thing I learned about beekeepers is everyone of them knows the best way to do everything. My theory is to listen to everyone and pick what works best for me and my bees and go from there. Like you said they are your bees do with them what you want

Keith

Kathyp · November 10, 2009, 04:25:00 PM

i have learned that what works for one may not work for another. he may have been very successful with his way of doing things, but you may find things that work better for you. it's not a contest, and it's not a test. it's just about trying things until you find your way....and then being open to still learning new things.

make nice with him. he's family....and you sleep with his sister! :evil:

BeeHopper · November 10, 2009, 04:42:58 PM

Quote from: lenape13 on November 10, 2009, 03:41:37 PM
While I am only a first-year beekeeper, I have grown tired of banging my head against the wall. My brother-in-law, who has had bees for 20 years agreed to help me when I first started. Since that time, I have learned just how little he actually knows. He tends to just make things up, throwing out little catch-phrases about beekeeping that the average person would know nothing about, me included. But now, after this first year, his game is up and he doesn't like it. Of course, everytime I mention something I learned from this forum, his response is, "Don't believe them, they don't have a clue about....."

After this past weekend's affair, I pretty much told him they're my bees, therefore, my decisions. Of course, that makes life here at home a bit interesting... :roll:

The Honey Bee is your Mentor.................and Michael Bush too. :-D

lenape13 · November 11, 2009, 12:53:33 AM

Quote from: annette on November 10, 2009, 03:42:57 PM
What happened??

Did you ever hear of the Weird Al song, "Everything You Know is Wrong"? Well, everything he says about beekeeping is totally wrong, and he makes up stuff as he goes along. I recently found out that after 20 years of having bees, he has never actually harvested any honey from his hives, as they seldom make it beyond 2 years. It's never his fault, though. His patent answer is, "Someone must have poisoned them with something." The honey he has been passing off as his own at Christmas and other occasions is actually honey he has purchased from other sources.

This weekend we had a little get-together at our place and, of course, he had to go inspect me bees to make sure I'm doing it right. Nice cool, wet weather and he's trying to open my hives. Told him in no uncertain terms, "Do Not Open My Hives." He then proceeds to tell me that I must dump massive amounts of formic acid through my hives to kill all of the mites. Never mind that I am going all natural, plus no real evidence of mites, as of this year. (My packages were treated before I received them.) When I informed him of all the research I have done on natural beekeeping and mite control, not to mention all of the info I have gleaned from this forum, he remarked that I should not be listening to anyone other than him because he is a "MASTER BEEKEEPER" and none of those others know anything about anything. Just wanted to poke him in the nose. Of course, one of his brothers asked how many hives he has, to which he answered, "one". The brother looked at mine and says, "Mike has four, and they're thriving, so maybe he know four times as much as you..." :evil: Well, that just got things started. After a few minutes, I called the dog, and she and I went inside and locked ourselves in my office for most of the afternoon until things calmed down.

I have decided that my bee yard is now off limits to everyone but me for the time being. I refuse to let my own quiet place become a war zone again.

rdy-b · November 11, 2009, 01:02:29 AM

Who is coaching Him-someone had to tell him about the formic-where is he getting his education besides the school of hard nox-probably the guy he bought the honey from :lol: RDY-B

lenape13 · November 11, 2009, 01:03:19 AM

Quote from: kathyp on November 10, 2009, 04:25:00 PM
i have learned that what works for one may not work for another. he may have been very successful with his way of doing things, but you may find things that work better for you. it's not a contest, and it's not a test. it's just about trying things until you find your way....and then being open to still learning new things.

make nice with him. he's family....and you sleep with his sister! :evil:

I am always open to trying new things. We only stop learning when someone's shovelling dirt on us. I just get EXTREMELY upset when someone thinks they are a god of something, epecially when it becomes quite evident they don't know which way is up! And then to say that everything other way but theirs is wrong just slaps me in the face. Makes me want to test my scalping knife to make sure it's working as intended :evil:

Nope, will NOT make nice with him! And I'll be sleeping on the couch, with the dogs, for the very near future.

lenape13 · November 11, 2009, 01:05:18 AM

Quote from: rdy-b on November 11, 2009, 01:02:29 AM
Who is coaching Him-someone had to tell him about the formic-where is he getting his education besides the school of hard nox-probably the guy he bought the honey from :lol: RDY-B

I think he read one very old book and now knows everything. He even brought along two gallons of formic acid to dump through the hives.

Cindi · November 11, 2009, 01:19:30 AM

Quote from: lenape13 on November 11, 2009, 01:05:18 AM
He even brought along two gallons of formic acid to dump through the hives.

Oh Lenape, I surely hope that you are kidding. You have had quite an ordeal there. It is very difficult to deal with someone that thinks they know it all, but really show that they no absolutely nothing. I feel for ya. Some things just pee us off, like that scene you told us about. No wonder you locked yourself with your dog in your office, I would probably have done the same thing. I can get riled, once in that blue moon, but when I do, I know what is best is to walk away, and never look back. Keep that dude away from your colonies for surely, it sounds like deep trouble in the making, and you can rant, we listen...have that great, most awesome day, health, Cindi

skflyfish · November 11, 2009, 08:43:46 AM

Lenape13,

I can empathize with you for sure. I am just luckier in that the individual is a casual friend and I don't have to spend time with him.

This is the guy who helped me get started, but he far from an expert. It took him a couple years to realize you don't extract honey from a brood chamber. He was complaining about all the brood in his extracted honey. When he installed my first package he just dumped them on the frames in a pile, squished the inner cover on, and called it good. I bet I lost 1/8 of my bees by that action. He went into last winter with 6 hives, and lost them all. In the early spring I told him I thought his hive were in trouble and that he might want to feed them. Not a chance.

I could go on and on. What it has taught me is the old phrase, 'you can't fix stupid' is true. I just change my expectations of the guy and let it go.

Jay

Scadsobees · November 11, 2009, 02:13:53 PM

What a boor! I know that I know everything, but I'll only tell you if you ask, and if you don't like what I tell you, you can do whatever you want to. :-D

But if I didn't ever harvest and my bees died a lot, I'd be a little discouraged and tell you to figure your own way out and to tell me if it worked better.... :roll:

But you gotta do what you gotta do, and if that means going everybody else hands-off, do what you have to. And tell your b-i-l to let you do yours your own way and to compare results in a year or so.

Rick

troutstalker2 · November 11, 2009, 08:05:52 PM

It sounds as if lack of knowledge of beekeeping is the least of this guy's problems. I don't know how to resolve the problems with your brother in law, but the beekeeping you will get good at if you stay interested in it. I'm no expert and I have alot to learn, but after a couple of years everything seems to fall into place and all makes more sense.
Kieth13 I agree with, alot of so called experienced beekeepers seem to think that they are gods gift to the beekeeping world. As with everything else, these are usually not the people to listen to, or at least with a grain of salt

Good luck and remember, you don't pick your in laws.......David

beee farmer · November 11, 2009, 10:50:29 PM

if you get tired of the wall... try beating your head aginst the floor..... works for me.......

bee-nuts · November 12, 2009, 12:11:18 AM

Your friend sounds a bit like a friend of mine which is amazing after all I can hardly handle being around him for more than 20 minutes. We grew up together or there would be no way I could be his friend. He knows everything about bees and more even though he has hardly read or studied anything about them. He will instruct you on how stuff should be done, what they need, how they do what they do and 90 percent is complete rubbish. You would think he had read fifty books and kept bees for 100 years. I have read several books and spent probably 720 hours (a months worth of hours) on the internet reading if not more. It is for this reason and the fact that I know him personally that I know that he knows nothing and 90 percent of what he thinks he knows is a complete farce but yet he believes that what he says is true and that he knows it for fact. It is very frustrating to argue with someone who is right even when they are wrong.

Like said before what works for some may not work for another but I tell you B.S. is B.S. no matter where you are or what language you speak.

If you are of average intelligence, have internet and some common sense you do not need a mentor to keep bees. You may have to learn things the hard way some times but I believe it is better to know from experience some times than from the mouth of another for you will have a real understanding of the underlying cause or effect.

It can be hard for some of us to tell another how we really feel or tell them what we really need to tell them to serve our best interests for some of us find it harder to hurt others feelings or confront them then let them have there way and walk all over us.

I have a father in law (if I were married) who was very difficult to deal with and would buy things at thrift sales or wherever and "give them to us" and then give us a bill, you owe me $200.00 or whatever and then have to hear him tell other or hear from other how he gave us this or that. My girlfriend would not man up to him so I did. It was difficult. There were some very heated discussions. He would try to tell me what I was going to do and how. I popped my lid on him real good and had to stand my ground for a fair amount of time. We did not talk for some time but the B.S. stoped and he knows I will not take his crap.

Dont let people walk on you buddy. They wont stop. Stand firm and dont take crap. Your bees are your bees and YOU will decide what YOU will do with YOUR BEES. He can worry about his own bees.

You did the right thing, just don't soften up on him now to make amends. You may however may want to put a hidden motion camera to watch over your hives because it would not surprise me to hear later that all your bees died in front of the hives.

Good luck.

As the saying goes who needs enemy's when you have friends (or family).