It's Florida Day today

[Michael Bush]

Floridians like to say there aren?t roaches in Florida ? there?s just ?palmetto bugs.? If you don?t know what the difference between a roach and a palmetto bug is ? a palmetto bug is a roach with wings that?s large enough to carry away screaming children from their mothers? arms.

One time I thought I saw bear in Miami but it was just a palmetto bug fist fighting a grown man on two legs.

You won?t find a Suana in Florida, because if a Floridian wanted to suffocate themselves in hot steam they would just walk outside.

Florida is so hot that people crowd around a fire to cool down.

They call Florida the ?Sunshine State,? which is funny because in the
twelve years I lived here, it was only sunny for like twenty minutes ?
when the eye of the hurricane passed over my house.