Problems

[Michael Bush]

The car salesman told me "It will seat six people with no problems" and I said "I don't know six people with no problems."

"Do you wanna box for your leftovers?" "No, but I'll wrestle you for them."

Why should you never take sides in an argument at the dinner table? Trick question. It's the perfect time to take sides because no one's paying attention. Bring Tupperware.

Who won the neck decorating contest? It was a tie.

I went to a silent auction. I won a dog whistle and two mimes.

What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf.

Can a frog jump higher than a house? Of course, a house can't jump.

I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems. So I bought 2.

What word can you make shorter by adding two letters? Short.

What do call a criminal landing an airplane? Condescending.

How many apples grow on an apple tree? All of them.

How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it's on the house.

How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear.

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need one if you want to go skydiving twice.

[Kathyp]

 

Good start to the AM

[Terri Yaki]

There are some nice ones in there.

[Michael Bush]

"You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine."

"I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!"

What happens when a frog's car breaks down? It gets toad.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

I was going to tell a sodium joke, then I thought, "Na."

[iddee]

"You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine."

Not me. I was born with an acorn. I had to grow it into this gnarly old oak.

[Michael Bush]

  A young man showed up to work for an old beekeeper. First day on the job. The beekeeper says, ?Paint all those bee hives.? The young man looks at all that work and says, ?You don?t seem to realize ? I have a college education!? The old beekeeper thinks for a minute and says, ?I?m sorry. I?ll show you how to hold the paint brush.?

[animal]

LOL .. but that stands for almost everyone, not just college grads.

Nearly everyone thinks they know how to paint with a brush, almost none actually do

[Michael Bush]

The three unwritten rules of beekeeping;
1.
2.
3.

[Ben Framed]

LOL .. but that stands for almost everyone, not just college grads.

Nearly everyone thinks they know how to paint with a brush, almost none actually do

True!

[animal]

The three unwritten rules of beekeeping;
1.
2.
3.

Are those in your books ?  I really need to buy them 

[Michael Bush]

A person walks into a library.
"Got any books on bees?"
"No,? says the librarian. "All our books are on shelves."

[Michael Bush]

  A scout bee flies into a pub and lands next to three drones who were enjoying their mead.
The scout says "I'm looking for a queen"
  One drone snickers and says, "What a coincidence so are we. 'Scout' ",
  "Well I?m looking for the queen of the hive I live in. She regularly flies off and we find her in a bar somewhere. She drinks too much and we have to fly her home.  Has she been here?"
  Drones, "Well, it depends? what?s her name?"
  Scout, "All of us back at the hive call her Barbee."